16 Weeks

Baby,

Yes, I think we finally found "the one". Her name is Dra. Christine Palma from VRPMC. She was so nice when we visited and she answered all our questions -- and believe me, Mommy and Daddy has too many unanswered questions since having a baby is new to us. She said you are growing healthy, baby. I would've wanted another ultrasound of you, I wanted to see how you look like at 4 months but the doctor said we need to wait for another month when you are 20 weeks old to take another picture. We heard you though - we heard a party going on in my tummy a couple of thump-thumpin' and some tugsh-tugsh, you were having a blast making the doctor follow your movements! She had to move the doppler thingy a couple of times because you were busy swimming around - Daddy says you are a mini-me already, makulit.

The doctor made me add multivitamins to my daily routine. I am currently taking Calciumade, folic with iron and vitamin C. Seems like I need more than that but hey - anything for you baby love. The doctor made me stop taking Anmum - you and I are getting too big and Mommy and Daddy wants to try to deliver you via Normal Delivery.

Mommy was sick the past days - the doctors at the hospital said it might be due to fatigue since nothing is really wrong with me. There is a huge change in my working schedule and this might have affected our health - but Momma has to work so I try to rest as much as I can on my days off. I was really worried about you the whole time I was sick, I felt like I am not a good mom for making you go through the temperature changes of my body and the contractions that happen when I cough. I promise to take care of myself more, my love. Just hang on in there - I'll be extra careful for the both of us.

I wish you can show us already if you are a he or a she. I am dying to start shopping for you. I am browsing online shops and going through a lot of baby blogs to see what you'll be needing the first few months of your baby life. I am excited and scared to see you baby - just 5 more months and I get to smell you and kiss you and hug you tight! I hope I can be a good mom to you. I know your daddy would spoil you to bits like what he does to me. We love you.. so much!

Love,
Mommy

13 weeks

Dear baby,

You are now 13 weeks old in Mommy's tummy. They say time flies fast when you're pregnant but I find it a little slow paced. Maybe because Mommy moves like a turlte right now, I can never be too careful with you inside me. Daddy and Mommy are arguing a lot lately, small petty stuff that leads to dramatic moments -- you'll get to know about hormones when you grow up. I am so thankful that Daddy tolerates  my Drama Queen moments. Believe me, I surprise even myself sometimes with how easily I feel kawawa. hehe

You must be growing up real quick in there, baby love. I can feel your heartbeat more right now. Your titos and titas are amazed with how fast your heartbeat is, they say you must be running a marathon in there.

I have been OB-skipping recently. I can't seem to find "the one". I want to make sure that I choose the right one for the both of us -- less worry for Daddy, too. I have narrowed our hospital choices into two - Cardinal Santos in San Juan and VRP in Mandaluyong. So the OB should be affiliated with either of those hospitals. Don't worry baby, we'd finalize everything before the month ends. Forgive mommy for being so fickle minded. :)

From the internet it says that you have fingerprints now, you can also open and close your fists already. Reading those updates makes me really excited to see you - I know you'd be everything we asked for! Did i tell you already that Mommy is att he point where she now uses Daddy's boxer shorts when she sleeps? My tummy is getting soo big now that my old shorts won't even zip up! You are one big baby, my love - just like Mommy and Daddy. hehe

Last weekend, your Daddy gave in to my cravings and had your Lola Carmen cook bagoong for me. I died and went to food heaven, baby love. It was that yummy! But since Mamu and your titos and titas was at the house for a visit, they food-napped my bagoong to make sure I don't go overboard with my salt intake.

Take care in there, okay?

Love,
Mommy

11 weeks

Dear Baby,

Daddy and Mommy moved in to our new place last weekend. Mommy is still adjusting but I think Daddy is getting a hang of living here. I miss your titos and titas - I worry about them a lot. Baby, Papu is in the hospital, but don't worry, Mamu is taking care of him. I wish I could be there though. Let's pray for Papu ha?

Baby love, I spent my first night alone here in the new place since Daddy is on night shift. I woke up a couple of times during the night but I'm good. I still feel rested. Give me a couple more days and I'd finally fully adjust to this place.

We had our first home-cooked meal yesterday. Daddy was so sweet - he knows I love cooking so he prioritized buying the cooking stuff so I won't be bored. It's either that or he finally got tired of eating store-bought silogs hehe

Another week baby love and you'd be 3 months in my tummy. A couple of months more and you'd be coming out and changing Mommy and Daddy's sleeping routine -- I say that lovingly, baby :)

The metallic taste in my mouth is really bothering me, but the internet says it is normal and some of my preggy friends are also experiencing it too, so I better get used to this. 

Daddy can feel your heartbeat too, baby. He is constantly talking to you and begging you not to make Mommy throw up. I guess he is a bit bothered that I still throw up at night. I welcome it though - I know you are still in there doing some stomach kicking in there. haha

I love you, little one.

Love,

Mommy

10 weeks

Dear Baby,

You turned 10 weeks old in my tummy yesterday. Daddy has a new way of celebrating your weeksary - He hugs my belly and shouts "group hug!". Yeah, he is a little crazy but I know you would appreciate his craziness when you guys get to play in a couple of months. 

Last Sunday Daddy and Mommy went to our new place and fixed things up. Daddy had to go back home for a while to get some stuff for the new place and left me with Tita She and Tofi - he missed out because while he was away I got to experience a Brothers Burger-ish burger but for a lower price! Tita She was right the Hickory flavored one was to die for. It made me look forward to move there knowing that I'd be near that burger joint - yes, Mommy is a meat lover. :)

When Daddy got back, he was with your titos and titas plus your cousins, Lance and Maggie. Baby love, you are lucky that you belong to a big family -- the support system is overwhelmingly awesome. After they got there they started fixing the TV Rack and the TV and helped us clean up a little. They love us, baby. I want you to know that aside from Mommy and Daddy you have a big big family that loves you as much as we do.

Baby love, I fell in love with your Daddy a little bit more last weekend. Heck, I fall in love with him every single day! The way he stepped up and took responsibility of everything is a trait I want you to inherit. He takes care of us every single day. While we were tidying up the new place, he noticed how tired I looked, so he fixed the room and told me to lie down and sleep while he finished constructing the small dresser for your things. When I got up a few hours later I saw that he was also able to setup the speakers and the wiring and he also cleaned up the floor and the bathroom! Your daddy is a superhero,  I am happy to know that he will be a good role model for you.

I feel less tired nowadays, baby. Less tired but more sleepy. Two more weeks then I can use the treadmill again. I want my body to be ready in time for your birthday. I don't want to put any stress on you when you go out and I want to be able to recover quickly so I can take care of you and Daddy immediately. 

Daddy lost his uncle, baby. I wasn't able to meet him but I know that he is a good person because your Daddy's family are good people. Let's pray for him and the family he left behind, baby love.

We love you baby. When you hear Daddy shout "Group Hug!" that means he is very near you and he would love it if you hug him back :)

Love,

Mommy

Baby Bump -- thump! thump!

Dear Baby,

It's cold today. It took all my energy just to get up and prepare for work. Given a choice I would be snuggling a pillow with a blanket covering me -- buuut Momma has to work. When you grow up I want you understand what responsibility means, I want you to know the value of time and I want you to understand that sometimes you have to give up what you want and do what needs be done. I want you to be a better version of Mommy and Daddy.

Yesterday I was a bit nervous because my head hurt so much and when I checked my BP it was 140/90. I prioritize your well being, baby love. I would stop the world just to make sure you are doing okay. So I lay down in one of our sleeping quarters and rested until I my heartbeat slowed down and I felt your regular thumping-in-my-tummy routine against my belly. Thump all you want, baby. Let me know that you are still there.

I smiled when I saw my belly earlier - you are getting big now. I like that. I am using the pants Daddy bought for us -- ooooh I love the gartered waist band! I can sit without you getting squished! I can't wear a lot of my clothes now and your Ninang Dane is plotting on which pre-you clothes she can "borrow" from me haha I am in love with cardigans right now, baby. I want to feel warm and comfortable while I am carrying you. If I am grumpy, i have a hunch that you'd be grumpy too -- so comfy clothes are my new thing.

I gotta work now, little one. Keep hugging mommy, okay?

Love,

The lady with the bump

Drake's Sunday

Last Sunday was Baby Drake's Christening. Drake is Dawn and Jake's firstborn and Dawn and Jake are the boyfriend's friends - get the connection now? 

It was nice seeing Miguel with his friends, he gets along with my friends but you know it's different when he is with his. I was a bit nervous to be with them at first but hey, I think it ended up well. Those people are awesome, there were no awkward moments, they treated me well. The butterflies in my tummy fluttered happily after the event. 

Enough talking, here are some pictures grabbed from Vel's facebook account. 

I hope you enjoyed your weekend as I did. :)

Suy Bags

In as much as I am a fan of branded stuff, in this day and time splurging on branded items is no longer practical unless you are the wife of a famous boxer or you belong to a political family or if you are getting money for selling something illegal -- note that I do not fall into any of that category. But of course every girl deserves a fashion item, a conversation piece or just anything that can umph-ify the everyday look.

As with shoes, a girl can never have too many bags. I am happy that a lot of young designers are  given the opportunity to channel their creative designs and cater to people in the lower class group. Suy Bags is a brainchild of 19 year-old Samantha Uy. It's inspiring that she is successful at that age, noh? As per the saleslady, Sam Uy designs the bags and gets them manufactured in Thailand.

I got to know this brand through blogs that I follow, I was intrigued by the intricate designs and color palette of their bags. I would've ordered online but I really wanted to see their designs in person. So one Saturday morning after my Hojicha fix, Sissy, Miguel and I headed to SM Marikina where their only physical store is located. The store was smaller that I expected but the bags did not disappoint, there were lots of bags in different sizes and colors and designs. It was like we died and woke up in affordable bag heaven. It took as an hour to get there and another hour just to decide which bags we're gonna take. Sissy settled for a large purple satchel that can house all her everyday stuff and more! As a belated birthday gift the boyfriend got me bags - yes that was not a typo. He bought me not just a bag but two bags. He noticed that I was having trouble just choosing one eh. Sweet noh? :)

One was a satchel-like full length orange shoulder bag with a rough surface, this is the smaller bag of the two. The other is faux leather bag with an animal print flap that can transition from a shoulder bag to a hand bag. It took me a while to get this post together because I wanted to 'test' my bags if they are durable and they both are - so far. I have been alternating those two bags for almost a month now and being the commuter that I am you can only imagine the weight the bags has to carry everyday. 

The best thing about Suy Bags? They don't over commercialize, only a few bags of each design and color are manufactured and you are sure that the bags are well thought of.

Get your own Suy Bag here.

One Rainy Evening

I slept all afternoon and woke up a little after 9pm, it was dark, windy and rainy outside. I fought a battle with myself just trying to get up. I felt hot. I know I need to do something, I walked to your door opened the lights and came in. I looked at you and thought that I sure could use you right now. I undressed and I shivered and I realized that maybe I'm not ready to do this - not now, not today. I wanted to put my clothes back on but I can feel you begging me to use you. I stool there naked and I shivered, I made my first move and I regretted it the moment that you touched my body - but you were addicting I began to get used to you and then after a while we were done. I felt clean and refreshed and happy.  Thank you old friend. 

This is how I narrated my battle with water on a cold and rainy night. I gotcha! Wag green-minded ha? hehehe Stay safe everyone! :)

Vintage is love

Since the moment I first saw this watch I fell in love with it! I imagine wearing it with a set of bangles or even beaded bracelets. This would look good on a plaid jacket that I have been eyeing on Forever21. You can dress it up and dress it down. Don't let the color fool you -- gold is a versatile color. This was suppose to be my birthday gift to myself but I ended up not buying it because as you know I just don't spend for myself much. Force of habit. 

The vintage design is to die for -- and I am not exaggerating!

It's half an hour after midnight and I'm still high because of the watch and more so because of the sweet gesture from the boyfriend. He is the sweetest. oh well, I better go to sleep  g'night!

oh wait! Pearl earrings! Yeah this would look good with pearl earrings and a peterpan collar beaded accessory. Ooooh.. the possibilities are endless! Ooooh funky stud earrings and a bib necklace! Seriously, I gotta get  some sleep. :)

Today..

Earlier today I received an SMS from a friend - actually she is one of Miguel's friends. We first started bonding whenever I watched the boyfriend's basketball game. We cheer for the same team since her hubby, Jake and my Miguel are teammates -- they are friends in and out of the basketball court.

Okay back to the story, so around 10am I got a text message from Dawn asking me to help her with some preparations for her baby's baptism. So we met at 2pm and inquired about Max's package at Edsa Shang and then reserved a slot on August 26 at St. Francis de Assisi, the church at the back of Shang. We then walked from there to Megamall to find items for baby Drake's gift registry. It was fun to go through baby stuff and look for things that the baby can use. These are the times that I wish that I have my own baby. Anyhoo, I like that I am able to bond with Miguel's friends I like that I am expanding my friend-network. I know that I'd be able to endure a long distance relationship if I have friends around me.

It was a fun day. The best part was 4hours in Happy Lemon just talking about nothing and everything. We have more in common that I first thought, the family ties, the upbringing and our rants about our men. See Miguel and Jake have similar flaws I am glad that we still have a couple of years to settle down, we can grow and be ready and be the best partner for each other. It was fun ranting and comparing notes and just bashing men in general. What we agreed upon is that women grow faster then men in terms of maturity. It was a fun and mentally-stimulating conversation.

After 4hours of complaining how my boyfriend is all work and no play, he called me add told me that it was raining cats and dogs outside. Miguel asked me where I am and asked me to stay put so he can fetch me and Dawn then bring us home. Isn't he the sweetest? I guess despite his shortcomings and his streaks of immaturity he is the best person for me. He compensates for his shortcomings by loving me unconditionally and taking care of me. Partida, he came from nightshift got out of work at 7pm and  he made sure that Dawn and I gets home safely. At this time I got a text from him telling me he is at home already and is getting ready for work. Superhero. Do I hear you saying Ammazziinnng? He is!

Life at chweni-eight

I know I am in my late twenties -- believe me when I say that it pains me to say that. Anyhoo, I am a still a teenager at heart based on the way I scream my head off when I watch Princess and  I and the way I drool over young leading man who are not even legally allowed to drink. Poof that makes me a cougar hahaha

I didn't know that being 28 feels this effing young. Well, when other people were this age I thought it was like close to menopause already and 22 years 'til you're 50. The thing is age is nothing but a number -- a reminder of how many years Papa Jesus allowed you to stay on earth. It's a matter of thinking whether the glass is half empty or half full. I go for seeing things in a positive light. So if you think about it I am not old, I am lucky -- lucky to be given 28 years to experience life here on earth. *wink wink*

I am blessed

I know sometimes I can be a pain in the tush, I am extremely paranoid and I can go for hours thinking of every possible scenario that can go wrong in my life. I am glad that I have friends that I can talk to whenever my psychotic side decides to bully my rational side into hiding. I am lucky that I have a family who already accepted that I am not normal in any sense possible and I am thankful that I have Miguel. If you are my friend -- which you probably are, since you know that this blog exists, then you would know how much love this man gives me. It is overwhelming! His love and care and support is too much it spills to every person that is dear to me. I am blessed.  

Each time I encounter a rough patch I would think about how blessed I am. Sometimes I think I am not worthy to be this happy, I have a mean bone in my body and I have a tongue as sharp as a knife. I swear. I curse. I make fun of other people and still Papa Jesus gave me these group of people to love me and support me and take care of me and for that I am grateful.

I am thankful that despite the financial constraints I am encountering for the past months I can still provide for my family, I can still pay for my loans, our house and the monthly bills. I know I have to adjust my lifestyle and concentrate on what I need versus what I want. I buy less shoes, I buy less clothes, I buy less bags. It aint fun but the experience makes me grounded and mature. The responsibility that lay on my shoulders makes me wiser beyond my years. I am grateful for that. I see life in a new perspective, in a new light. I appreciate every single thing and person that surrounds me. Again, I am blessed.

The relationship that I have with Miguel is a journey. Every single day we grow together and as individuals - I never had this kind of relationship before. I know that this would last forever. I finally found my 'the one'. I am blessed. 

Each day I go to work, I am looking forward to spending a day with friends. We talk, we laugh, we plan trips, we eat. Not everybody has the luxury to go to work with friends. They make going to work bearable and because of them I forget every single reason that makes me not-wanna go to work. haha

I am blessed.

Inspiring

Chin up

I know I need to support Miguel whatever his plans are.. but it's less than two months before he leaves. I know it's not permanent, I know he loves me and I know he'd go back for me but I am scared. I know he makes an effort to spend as much time as possible with me -- I appreciate that. Bakit ako nasa-sad? I know it's just for a year pero bakit ako nasa-sad tlaga? He's gonna miss my birthday, our first anniversary and other milestones.. pero sabi nya nga when he gets back we have a lifetime to share together.

Pero on the lighter side, we have a year apart. We have time to improve ourselves, to be better people for each other. Sana lng wag sya masanay masyado na wala ako. I trust him - I do. Of all my relationships, si Miguel is the first one to make me feel secure. Kaya namin 'to :) di ba? Aja!

Random post. sorry :D

Uno!

I don't know what I did right in my 27 years of existence to deserve a brother like Gio, he is smart, caring and can I say smart again?! haha He was able to get 1.0 in two of his subjects last semester. Yeah you read it right - 1.0 beybeh! Sometimes when things don't go my way, Papa Jesus makes it a point to slap me in the face and show me how lucky I am. 

Every sacrifice I made to make ends meet and to make our lives comfortable is worthwhile. So what if my savings account is not as big as people my age? What I have is the sense of fulfillment that my brothers and sisters give me every single day. They are my biggest achievement. They will always be. And right now I am one proud Ate! :)

October 30, 2011 - The Jason Mraz experience

It was our first concert together. Yeah, I have a thing for milestones and the thing about new relationships is that there are tons of firsts and I make a mental note of the details of each and every one of our firsts. I am ridiculously in love. :)

I was strutting in my 5-inch heels with Miguel's arm around me while mentally humming Jason Mraz' "You and I both" a little before 8pm. I was giddy from the moment we reached Cubao area and I became giddier the moment we got to our seats. The place was packed! Good thing we got patron seats. When the lights dimmed my heart skipped a beat -- there was no front act, no silly introductions -- it was Jason Mraz right from the start 'til the very end.

There was no band just three guitars which he rotated all throughout the concert and Toca Rivera's wonderful musical hands and reggae voice. It was pure talent. I am not familiar with some of the songs he played, but I literally jumped off my seat when he sang "You and I both" and my hips swayed when Jason played "Remedy". Awesome night. Epic. It was the kind of concert where you don't need to know the lyrics of the songs to enjoy the music. We went there for the talent and it was worth every peso.

All throughout the concert Miguel kept saying that Jason M. has yet to play "I'm yours", he was about to give up hope when Jason and Toca suddenly did their bap-bap-du-bi-da-wap thing and started humming the intro of "I'm yours". I can see from Miguel's face that he was excited as ever! We danced side by side, we hugged, we sang out loud, we kissed and we smiled at each other. It was romantic. It was the perfect end to a perfect evening. 

Spell effort: M-I-G-U-E-L

I woke up with my head breaking in to two and lights blinding me. I tried getting up to take  bath and get ready for work but my head was killing me so I had to call in sick for the day. My brothers left me with pandesal and I still have the medicine that my boyfriend bought for me last weekend so I was pretty much geared up to sleep off the whole day.

I was going in and out of consciousness the whole morning -- which was a good thing, and then my Miguel decided to drop by and play nurse with me. I know how much effort he puts in just to be with me but I never expected him to come all the way to Quezon City after working from last night to 2pm this afternoon. He made me smile and he made me drink my medicine on time and he made me eat. As usual we were able to talk nonstop, he made me feel better than I was the moment I woke up this morning. I appreciated that he stayed even longer to have dinner with me and my brothers. I appreciated him even more when he kissed me and told me he loves me before he went home to get ready to go back to work again.

Thank you Love for spending time with me, baby-ing me, fulfilling my chicken joy craving, hugging me when I am cold, forcing me to drink my meds and letting me feel every single day that you love me. 

Yeah I am one lucky girl. I love you Miguel!

October 17th

You know the usual way of describng the feeling of being in love in movies? Heart skips a beat, butterflies in your stomach and tingly sensation when a man's hand finds its way to the leading lady's hand? I am telling you right now those writers described the feeling to a tee! I never thought that it actually happens in real life. When I am with Miguel I feel like I am always in a movie scene, when we walk hand in hand, when he showers me with affection, when he smiles when I walk towards him. It's like everyday is special, every waking moment is something to look forward to. I feel happy. I can say that am at my happiest right now.

I am loving the fact that he is taller than me - makes me feel very feminine when we are together. I can wear heels! Finally. haha

I have been in relationships before, but it's the first time that I actually feel like I am someone's leading lady. I smile a lot, I laugh out loud and I am always in a good mood. it's like there's an imaginary wind on my hair and an extra bounce in my walk. My own version of a perfect music video each time I am with him.

With my mom's blessing and my dad's acceptance we are now officially together. Yeah, together.. i like the way together rhymes with forever :)

Things are falling into place. There is no adjustment period when we transitioned to being "us" - being with my Miguel feels natural. He is my personal upper and I hope I am his too. It's like we have been together for the longest time. When I think of Miguel, I think of love, patience and perseverance. His name to me is now synonymous to the words effort, romantic, hugs and butterfly kisses!

Is it even legal to be this freakin' happy? :)

The Lump - Part 2

Negative.. but the doctor did warn me that I should be using proper fitting undergarments. My lady-bumps were strained by wearing underwires. Of course it will look perky and pretty but it actually causes muscle strains and backpains which can later develop into lumps - the bad kind. Also, sleeping with your boob-supporters is a no-no. Better unclasp the hook and let the twins rest at night -- yeah they get tired too.

We need to be vigilant and conscious of the changes in our body, because body parts won't hurt just because it wants to hurt. It'll hurt because it wants to tell you that something is wrong with your system. The doctor was furious that I had to wait a couple of weeks before I had it checked if I waited a little longer or I just disregarded the pain alltogether then things would have ended up differently. I do have dreams of doing a commercial one day and saying "Breastmilk is still best for babies up to 6 months(?)". I should be taking care of myself more.. and you should too.

Oh well, there you go.. for those people who were concered of me. I am good. A bit anemic and my blood circulation is going haywire and the weirdest thing is that I haven't had my period yet which I was supposed to have 4 days ago(no mom, I am not pregnant - di ako immaculada)... but other than that I am good :) God is good :)

Plus One

Miguel. I know it's the first time I mentioned him in this blog.. I was kinda keeping him to myself for a while.. I want to get to know him before I introduced him to you guys.. He makes me extremely happy.. like crazy happy. He makes me feel a thousand times better when I am down. He makes me feel like a girl -- i mean a woman when I am with him. I feel safe and secure and contented when we are together. I love that we can talk about anything -- everything. I admire his passion for his work. I appreciate his efforts just to spend time with me. I think he is one of those special type of people that comes into your life and makes a difference. A big difference. I am making him sound like any girl's prince charming but he aint perfect -- I like that he isn't perfect  because I am not perfect either.I am scared  of how I am feeling for him - letting him into my life means giving him the opportunity to hurt me. Right? It means opening my heart again. Is it too soon? I have strong emotions for him already. Is that wrong? Is being happy this soon wrong?

He met my brothers and sister already and they liked him and mind you my brothers and sister didn't like the idea of meeting him at first. They were hurt when Archie cheated on me - they felt betrayed too. Dane was saying how nice Kuya Migs was and how soft spoken. She even made a comment how his height matches mine. And they were saying that they have never seen me as happy as I am today.

I didn't expect this to happen, I mean I was dating two other people when we first started, but nobody matches the butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling he gives me when I am with him.  To be honest, I thought we would end up as friends and we did.. plus more. I don't have the awkward-must-impress feeling that I get when I was with the other two. I can be myself, I can skip, I can  laugh out loud, I can be myself without worrying what he'll think of me. I never expected that we'd  end up where we are right now. I want to think that all the pain I went through is a prelude to the happiness that Miguel has in store for me.

I stopped seeing other people (itago sa pangalang Chek and Man haha) after Miguel and I went to Manila Ocean Park. That was the time I decided that I want to get to know him more. I like how he is not ashamed to show his affection. He is sweet and caring and thoughtful and he is a gentleman. The word 'happy' does not do justice to the emotion I am feeling now. I wish he can live up to his word, I wish that he could be faithful and I wish that he could be the one. 

I don't doubt his intentions.. I am just scared to move to the next level. What are we now? Exclusively dating siguro, I hope he is exclusively dating me too. I don't want to assume. hahaha Ano ba para nakong teenager! hehehe

Funny ang Exclusively dating, feeling ko para lang kaming si Angel Locsin and si Phil Younghusband. hahaha

Oh Miguel, how you  make me happy! :) Hmmmmmmmmmm...