To my friends:

Okay so he said he needed time, I don't know how long he needs or if it's permanent. There is still no closure on my end. Of course, I am hurt. Of course, I am surprised. Of course, I am confused.

After professing his love the day before, after telling me that he loves me and he wants me in his life, he decided to make things official - he asked for space. The universal way of saying we are over.

We brought out the worst in each other -- of course I love him, of course I would have done things differently. I would have traded worldly things to be with him -- happiness takes precedence over worldly possessions. I am the kind of person who can do anything for love.. The funny things is that I was talking to my mom last night - she has accepted Chicco she was the one convincing me to talk to Chicco.. but how could I talk to somebody who needs space?

The irony of the matter is that my family loves him - Dane, Enzo, Gio and my parents were devastated. They thought what we had was forever and they saw the love that Chicco has for me. They said that despite his shortcomings and despite his situation he made time for me and made me special. They were talking about the concern and the love he has shown towards them. They asked me to make it work, to try once more.. but how can I force myself on somebody who needs space? 

I appreciate other people's insights. I appreciate that people feel that I was wronged, that I didn't deserve him and the pain that this relationship gave me towards the end. I just want my friends who reads this blog - 14 of you people who are closest to my heart that I am not blaming anybody. I am not playing the blame game. The relationship took a wrong turn because of the two of us. Not because of him, not because of me, but because of the two of us.

I accepted him from the start -- I accepted his situation and the possible outcome. I accepted that maybe our version of a happily ever after is different from the norm. He was my prince charming, he protected me every way possible, he did everything to right what was wrong in this situation. And we were happy. That is what matters. I regret nothing - I was at my happiest the past 2 years. Everyday was a memory worth keeping. I can say that this was a relationship that I would have fought for 'til the end. He didn't force me to be with him because he knew from the start that there is a 50-50 chance that things won't go our way. I was the one who chose to be with him from the very beginning. I repeat the last 2 years were the happiest in my 27 years of existence, I was a girlfriend, a friend, a partner all in one. Roles that I happily portrayed. 

I am not justifying anything that he did. I am just saying that people only hear my side of the story. There are a lot of things that I'd rather keep private and here is all I can say I respected him as a father, as a provider and as my partner.. I still do.. and of all the relationships I have been in this was the most fulfilling one. I was happy. I am still -- in a contented kind of way. Whether together or not I am praying that things will go our way because I know that we both deserve to be happy.

Talking to other people made me realize that he was going through something - something that I didn't understand and something he'd rather keep from me. I see him now in a different light. No hate, no regrets, no negativity. He is the best thing that ever happened to me despite how we ended up. He was the happiness that I deserve and he was the man that I needed. Those are things that we need to keep in mind. Things that other people won;t understand because even though you were aware of what's happening you weren't there every single day of our life together. And I assure you, he was as much of a blessing to me as I was to him. We were meant to happen.

I don't know where life will lead me from now.. Everyday without him is a struggle. Every minute that I am itching to contact him is a battle. Every minute to just go to him and hug him and tell him everything will be okay is war brewing in my mind. I want to let him go as he asked. I want him to find himself again. I am sincerely rooting for him to succeed in whatever endeavor he is facing. There are a lot of things that needs to be taken care of, a lot of things to settle.. but I am not strong enough to face him. In time, when we are both ready to face each other we will settle everything and talk. The relationship that we had is special and I know that we both should have the decency to talk and forgive and pick the pieces that we left behind. We are not teenagers anymore. We will settle this in the most mature manner that we can.

When I say I am okay that means I am surviving each day and soon I will have the closure that I need. That closure would mark the start of a better life for me. 

Don't worry I am okay :)