I was talking to D and M earlier trying to figure out what was wrong with me and my situation then I realized that that was my rainbow in this cloudy day -- I am happy I have friends I can call anytime of the day whenever I need ears to listen to bits of telenovelas I call my life. I am lucky that I have two people who know my life inside out and is willing to tell me upfront what they think, I love them both for that.
Anyhoo, I am writing this with no sleep for almost 36 hours, emotions are high, tears flowing, and my mind working faster than the speed of light. M is my angel, she speaks her mind in her soft voice and she makes me feel loved just by listening and being the sidekick that I needed. She is mad when I am mad, she is happy when I am happy, and I can feel her pain when I cry. She is perfect in every way possible. She made me calm down and think straight and plan on what needs to be done, she prepared me for the worst but we both hope for the best. D on the other hand is direct to the point, he asked me questions that made me realize that I might be overreacting, that I need to talk, that we need to straighten things out.. And then out of the blue, I realized my insecurities, why I am so paranoid.. I don't feel beautiful anymore, I gained 15 freakin' pounds since January, and since then we didn't go out as much, we didn't bond, we didn't talk, we let our relationship go down the drain just because I was scared of what people might think of my size.
Now I know what to do, I need to forgive myself and take care of myself more. I can't love anybody else if I can't love myself. And I am taking the first step on Monday. I will love myself. Then we will try to fix the broken pieces of our relationship and if it is no longer fixable then I should move forward with no regrets because I know that I did everything humanly possible to get back my happily ever after.
And to the best combination of friends that a person can wish for -- D and M, thank you.. and I love you..
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