Think Positive!

Mistake is an instrument to make people change.

I still cry..

..when you tell me you love me..

Should I forgive, rebuild and move on?

Am I making excuses for him? Am I being stupid? I am so confused.

Questions that will remain unanswered until later when we see each other and talk..

From a blog I was reading:
"He needs to work HARD at rebuilding the trust he destroyed. He needs to be proactive on this - not you. You will trust naturally when you realize that his behavior warrants it."

The cycle goes on..

I am scared
I am confused
I am insecure
I am unhappy
I am happy
I am a nervous wreck
I am feeling numb
I am always on the verge of tears
I am sorry
I am thinking a lot
I am sleepless
I am hungry but I can't eat
I am hopeful
I am loved
I am going crazy
I am a zombie
I am barely breathing
I am forgiving
I am hoping for your happiness..
and I am gonna decide. TODAY.

Beautiful as you - All 4 one

Yeah -- after everything that's happening with my life right now. I am still hoping for an everlasting love.. A love worth waiting and a love worth saving.. Someone who would tell me that I am beautiful not because that is what I want to hear, but because that is how he sees me-- no matter what, who would think of me every single second of the day, who would love me despite my shortcomings and who would accept me.. for me :) 

:(

Kahit di mo sabihin
Aking napapansin
Di na kita pipilitin
Dahil di mo naman aaminin

Nagbago ang higpit ng yakap mo
Nagbago rin kung paano mo tawagin ang pangalan ko
Ang halik mo’y nagbago
Di ko alam bakit nagkaganito

Chorus:

Kahit na hindi mo sabihin pa
Nararamdaman kong ayaw mo na
Ayaw mo nang magpatuloy pa
Kahit na sabihing mahal pa kita
Walang magagawa kung ayaw mo na
Paano na
Di ko kayang mag-isa

Kahit di mo sabihin
Damang-dama pa rin
Wala na ang kislap ng yong mata
Tuwing ikaw ay kasama
Wala na ang dating saya
Yakap mo ay kaylamig na
Dating sigla sana’y mapalitan

Repeat Chorus

Paanong pipigilan ang nararamdaman

Repeat Chorus

Paano na
Di ko kayang mag-isa

I want to feel like this again..

Fairytales always have happy endings and no matter what happens to Chicco and me, I will still look for my happily ever after..

I am no longer hurting.. I am now prepared..

I was talking to D and M earlier trying to figure out what was wrong with me and my situation then I realized that that was my rainbow in this cloudy day -- I am happy I have friends I can call anytime of the day whenever I need ears to listen to bits of telenovelas I call my life. I am lucky that I have two people who know my life inside out and is willing to tell me upfront what they think, I love them both for that.

Anyhoo, I am writing this with no sleep for almost 36 hours, emotions are high, tears flowing, and my mind working faster than the speed of light. M is my angel, she speaks her mind in her soft voice and she makes me feel loved just by listening and being the sidekick that I needed. She is mad when I am mad, she is happy when I am happy, and I can feel her pain when I cry. She is perfect in every way possible. She made me calm down and think straight and plan on what needs to be done, she prepared me for the worst but we both hope for the best. D on the other hand is direct to the point, he asked me questions that made me realize that I might be overreacting, that I need to talk, that we need to straighten things out.. And then out of the blue, I realized my insecurities, why I am so paranoid.. I don't feel beautiful anymore, I gained 15 freakin' pounds since January, and since then we didn't go out as much, we didn't bond, we didn't talk, we let our relationship go down the drain just because I was scared of what people might think of my size.

Now I know what to do, I need to forgive myself and take care of myself more. I can't love anybody else if I can't love myself. And I am taking the first step on Monday. I will love myself. Then we will try to fix the broken pieces of our relationship and if it is no longer fixable then I should move forward with no regrets because I know that I did everything humanly possible to get back my happily ever after.

And to the best combination of friends that a person can wish for -- D and M, thank you.. and I love you..

Goodbye..

I feel torn, I feel like my muscles are burning, my ears are ringing and I have nobody to turn to..
I am not sure who I am right now, I am not sure who I will be..
I have not slept for over 24 hours because when I close my eyes I see you hurting me..
I trusted you, I made a point to make you special because making you feel special is my own way of making myself feel important..

I wish we can turn back time and change everything that happened..
I wish I could have an eraser for pain..
I wish I could move on and be strong for you..
but I can't..
you made a choice and I made mine just today..
Goodbye..

My take on the RH bill

I believe that I have the thinking and idealism of a modern woman and I proudly say that I am pro-RH bill, pro-life, anti-poverty, anti-abortion. 

I respect the church and I respect the government, I believe both have valid point in rejecting or accepting the bill. 

I believe in the value of life but I also believe in the value of choice. RH bill is a matter of choice and is a matter of educating the Filipino youth and guiding the Filipino family. On the anti-RH bill's argument, they provide surveys and studies mostly based on another country.. Countries that are entirely different in demography and culture of the Philippines. Shall we rely on those surveys? For guidance - yes. The best way to see the state of the Filipino peoplw today is not through surveys -- they should try walking the streets of Manila, or try interacting with families in faraway provinces, try talking to DSWD or other government or charitable institutions or even orphanages! That is the true measure of what's happening with the Filipino population. 

RH Bill also suggests Sex Education. The church is on defense mode because we are going against who we are. We are a conservative country, we frown on pornography and pre-marital sex and we disapprove of prostitution. But as we develop as a country and as technology reaches the Filipino people, every Filipino - young or old, male or female, rich or poor - are exposed to knowledge beyond their age and experience. Knowledge that they acquire from the media, from the internet or from the inexperienced children, they call their "friends". The youth would stumble upon their sexuality and we can't prevent that AND being the Filipinos that we are, we often brush off the idea of talking to children and explaining what being intimate means and the consequences of being intimate. Sex Education is the perfect support to the children's curiosity and take note the modules to be provided are age appropriate and does not encourage people to have sex, it is merely the elaboration and explanation of the knowledge that they already have.

RH bill is not the only solution in uplifting our nation, but it is a start. And we, as responsible young individuals, exposed to this modern world should learn to embrace change and give the future generation a chance and a choice to be aware of the choices they should or should not take.

My two cents..