Minus one

A lot of people make mistakes and sometimes people just bury the memories and try to live like nothing happened... but then one day someone picks up a shovel and digs his way through your life and makes you face the mistake that you buried and forgotten a long time ago. Then you are forced to remember every single detail and feel the shame all over again. Then you begin to doubt the decision you made a long time ago and the what-ifs starts coming in.

It is a sad cycle, another bad thing about the past is that it remains in the past -- it can haunt you, it can hurt you but you can't change anything. It remains that way forever - that's why the word regret is invented.

You could be confident with the decision you made today but then regret that tomorrow. That's life, it's a never ending process of ups and downs. It is a matter of principle, a matter of believing that what you did at that point is what felt right... but that logic doesn't excuse anybody from the consequences of their actions.

So where do I stand today? I am on an emotional turmoil. Regrets, what-ifs and acceptance all at the same time. A roller coaster of emotions. I am sorry for what happened. I wish I could've been wiser in making the decision to stay mum about things that were meant to be known. I was scared to hurt someone before but I still ended up hurting that person. Does intentions count? I think so, i never intended to hurt. I wanted to protect and make someone extremely happy.

Now we are both hurt. And it pains me to know that someone has to go through the terrible feeling of betrayal because of me. I wish I could take the pain away. Nobody deserves to go through the emotional suffering caused by my actions.

I am sorry. I am really really really sorry.