My favorite video

Ako ay bihirang maaliw sa mga video - Pero this one is highly recommended haha



Starring: Gani with cameo appearance of Tin Gallaza

Yes, flowers.

He looked scared walking towards me with his hand behind his back. I have a photograph of him in my mind walking towards me with a smile on his face. See? Ang sarap tlaga maging babae :)

I am just happy that finally, a man is treating me right. I just wanted to share my happiness with everybody.. I know a lot of people would be happy to know that someone is giving me the attention and the love that I deserve. Yes, I know what you're thinking and yes, I am not rushing things. I am going with the flow and I respect him for waiting. I respect him for giving me a chance and a choice to be happy. If it's meant to be then things will fall into place.

Thank you Papa Jesus for leading me to this wonderful person. :)

Frogs and Voldemorts

I can never love anyone as much as I love you, you are the first person to pick me up when I am down, you are the only person who notices when something is wrong with me even if I am smiling, you and I have a bond that is unbreakable - nobody knows me like you do. I like waking up in the morning, when everyone is still sleeping and watching the sun go up with you, drinking coffee, talking about my dreams and yours, talking about life. Talking about us and our family, and the way you always tell me to slow down and enjoy life. I like that you are the only person who knows the color of my eyes and the exact spot where my dimples are. I love that you know what I like and what I don't like to eat. You are an inspiration and you are the best role model a girl can ever have. I wanna be like you, mom. I can't be the best person in the world because you already own that title, but I can try, right?

You watched me fall down a lot of times and not once did I hear anyhting from you, you helped me stand again and encouraged me to move forward. You are my own version of Lily Potter, you protect me with your unconditional love from all the Voldemorts who broke my heart.

I know that you dream that I find a man who can love me and respect me and be there for me until the day I die. You always tell me to look for a man who can peel me my mangoes, who can wake up in the middle of the night and talk to me when I am in one of my odd moods, a man who can eat my leftovers, a man who is not scared to hug me and kiss me in front of other people, a man who dream my dreams, a man who can understand why I cry a lot, a man who can make me smile first thing in the morning, a man who can face dad and tell him he loves me, a man who dreams of marrying me and not just sleeping with me, a man who would not shout at me and treats me as his equal, a man who is willing to get wet just to make sure not a drop of rain touches me, a man who can hold my hand and never let go, a man who loves you and daddy and my brothers and sisters. I remember your words, mom. I do. I wish I listened to you more when I was younger, I would've been spared all the heartbreaks.

I now know you are wise beyond your years, mom. I learned the hard way to ALWAYS listen to you. I know that you are very much waiting for my prince charming to come as much as I do. Believe me, I am tired of mistaking frogs for my Prince Charming. I really am. That is why I am keeping my guard on. I know your shield is as strong as ever but I don't want to use it anymore - becasue the next time I fall inlove, it would not be to a frog or a Voldemort -- he would be the one. And you would get what you always wanted for me - everlasting happiness and beautiful, long legged babies.

So now, we wait :)

The Lump

I have been sick for latter part of July and most part August. There is something scary going on though. I have a lump on my left breast, on the lower side. I dismissed it for the duration of my downtime blaming it on the heavy coughing which I thought strained my muscles there, then after the cough was gone, I blamed it on my period. Now it is hurting like hell and I have nothing else to blame it to. I stopped wearing wired undergarments because it is too painful. 

I am not yet comfortable to share this with anyone personally, but I am scared that this might be worse than what I initially thought. I have scheduled to have it checked next week, I need to have it checked by a professional. What triggered my panic was that earlier today I woke up with my nose bleeding and it didn't stop for a while and lately I have been getting tired easily, I feel more tired than I was +15lbs earlier, and I have this insane migraines that wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning.

Please pray for me. And mom, I know you're gonna be reading this sometime soon. I didn't tell you because I am worried that we might blow things out of proportion. Baka wala naman to e. I love you.

Scarred

I am scared. Scared to open myself up to someone new. There are reservations.. a lot of reservations. I know opening my heart and giving someone an opportunity to make me feel special also means opening myself to possibility of getting hurt all over again.

I have to be careful, I need to be careful. I need to use my mind and not just my heart. Maybe I am moving to fast, maybe I shouldn't be going out just yet, maybe I should isolate myself a little bit longer. I don't know how to trust, I don't know how to stop thinking that I'll be disappointed again, I don't know when I can give myself fully to someone.. to anyone.

A nerve was hit while I was watching Friends with Benefits earlier - Just like Mila Kunis, someone I used to date, said I was too emotionally damaged. We are good now, I mean we still talk, we still go out for coffee every now and then but I pretty much made sure that we stayed friends. Just friends. I just don't like the idea of anybody calling me damaged - kahit emotionally pa yan. Then lately, I realized that maybe it is partly true, I am emotionally scarred. When someone gets too close I back off. I hide like a scared puppy. I can't help it. I really can't. 

It's too scary. Life is too scary for me right now. Love is an emotion that seems so far away. I can't believe that anyone could care for me. I just can't...

Random nanaman..

I am happy right now. It's like everyday is a new day - no pressure, no hassles, no stress.

I am smiling and laughing a lot lately. I dunno where this giddy feeling is coming from but I welcome it.

I am enjoying talking to friends - I love meaningful talks and spending time with people I just reconnected with. I like hearing stories and I like sharing my story too -- the good and the bad :)

I lost 15lbs already, I feel lighter and better and prettier(please.. hayaan nyo nako haha). I have tons of things I want to try and a lot of people willing to try it with me. On that note - I will try boxing on tuesday, need to practice my footwork and work my swings so no man can hurt me. Typing that last part was funny. hahaha

Also, I will be going to Manila Ocean Park on monday with Miguel, hoping to get good pictures. I am sure I'll have fun, fun din kasi kasama si Migs e.

I have been rekindling my love for The Scripts' music. No I can't relate to the lyrics itself but I find their songs  really witty and their storytelling is effective. As in naantig ako at lumalabas ang inner actress ko pag kumakanta sila (for those who know me, this is similar to my slide-down-the-wall-breakdown-and-cry-moment-to-craig_david's-unbelievable waaaay back in college) hahaha

**Two nights ago, I was chatting with an old college friend, here's the exact conversation we had:

N: "Lecs, Asan na ba ang puso mo ngayon?"

Me(pinatulan): "Nakabalot, nakakandado, nag-aantay ng taong magaalaga at magpapatibok ulit sa knya.. naks!"

N:"ahhhhhh.. nakabalot ng taba harhar"

---- Di ba ang supportive? I sooo love my friends hahaha

Toodles!

What you don't know about me

I love books..
I snore when I am tired..
I am a sucker for anyhting sweet..
I have 49 pairs of shoes - flats and heels!
I mumble a lot..
I like singing while walking -- alone.
I like to imagine that I am a runway model when I am nervous - don't ask me why..
I love hugs and kisses..
I'd do anything I want, anywhere!
I can talk nonstop for 24 hours, then still have the energy to go to work the next day..
I can't swim :(
I don't eat ripe mangoes
I can do bike tricks..
I dance a lot when I am in the shower..
I have a soft spot for children..
My family calls me Wesa more that Alecs..
I smile a lot -- for no reason at all.. (scary)
I don't eat anything with cookies and cream flavor -- i find the texture weird and the appearnce dirty..
I do ballroom dancing for exercise..
I stalk other people on facebook -- who doesn't? :p
I still sleep beside my mom when I go home..
I have poor eyesight - 550-525..
I appreciate talking while walking with the wind in my face..
I can mimic movie lines to a tee! :)
I am drawn to people who smile a lot..
I am chismosa.. :p
My favorite song is "You give me Something" by James Morrison.
I like to feel like a kid every now and then..
I have another blog under a different name where I publish my online novels..
I still listen to Backstreet Boys' music ..
And.. did I say that I love eating? :p

No other woman

"Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo - maraming snatcher, maagawan ka! Lumaban ka!" - Carmi Martin, No other woman.

September 28, 2011. I wanna watch! hehe :)

i-am-alecs.blogspot.com

I will be reopening my old blog -- I kinda want my life to be an open book. During the ordeal that I went through with Mac and Archie it was that blog that served as my outlet, just like this one is my outlet right now. Plus, I have to admit that I like that URL better, it's sooo me. I am thinking of combining these two blogs, I'll let you know how it goes.

There are only two things that make me feel better -- blogging and singing. And as my mom always says "Anak, mag-blog ka na lang". So here I am writing my thoughts away. hehe 

It's nice reading my old blog and realizing that life is a wonderful journey, life has a way of kicking you in the ass just to make you learn and appreciate what you have. All those ass-kicking made me the person I am today -- I am not saying I am perfect, I am saying that I am a better person than I was 7 years ago. I was young and naive and innocent. Uto-uto :)

If ever my prince charming would not arrive at the age of 30, I am planning to adopt a baby. I have a house big enough for a baby girl and me to grow old together. I have too much love to give and I can't imagine not having anyone to share it with. My baby brothers and sisters would be settled by then -- they would not be needing me at that point. I would have to set them free. 

No matter what happens I am excited -- I have a backup plan already. I know a little one is deserving of a good life and a lots of love -- both of which I will strive to give :)

And the journey continues..

No, my story has not yet ended. I am still very much alive and looking for answers. I stopped blaming myself already. I stopped the pity party in my mind. I stopped thinking of the past and I started thinking of the future. I stopped loving him and started loving myself.

I no longer look behind and feel the hurt all over again. Today, when I look back I look at all the lessons I learned and all the true friends that surfaced and all the love that I felt. It makes me smile when I realize that I did not lose anything despite of the pain I went through - but he did. He lost all the friends that we have, he lost the trust of the people around him, he lost the love of my brothers and sisters, he lost a good future and he lost me. A friend told me that anybody can find a f*ck buddy anytime, anywhere but nobody can never find someone who cares and loves unconditionally just like I do. So see? I am a catch. 

I am happy right now -- not crazy happy. Just happy, which is a big leap from the miserable me a few weeks back. I counted my blessings, started all over again and made the choice to forgive and forget. 

There are a few people asking me out but nobody that I am interested with and I don't like that they just come to me like I am desperate for companionship. No I am not. I am still a girl who likes to be courted. I'd rather die than force myself to like anybody who doesn't know how to woo a girl. Jusme, naging choosy pako at this point pero parang awa naman, manligaw ng maayos. Di na tayo highschool para yayain mo ko makipagdate via text. Jusme, twagan mo man lng ako, baka i-consider pa kita. haha -- Kung tumanda man akong dalaga e at least di ako nag settle sa tao na di ako kayang tratuhin ng tama ahihi

There are two guys that are close to my heart that tells me how pretty awesome I am and they love me unconditionally -- I'd settle for them for the meantime. I love you Gio and Enzo! Thanks for making ate Wesa feel pretty every single day. I promise to take care of you guys 'til the day I die. I won't leave you and I will always be your #1 fan -- I will cheer for you always. 

I won't pretend that I don't miss having someone to talk to before I go to sleep, someone to hold hands with when walking, someone to take care of me but considering the alternative I feel contented being out of a relationship. I still dream, I still hope but I won't move fast. I will wait for the right person who could appreciate me and love me -- just me :)