Yesterday.. today.. tomorrow..

Yesterday was awesome - well, my whole weekend was awesome. Last Saturday, Miguel and I went to Antipolo to celebrate Yashy's 7th birthday. Why was Saturday so special? Because you see, Yashy is Yssa and Joseph's eldest daughter, and Yssa and Joseph are my highschool friends. Super close friends. So, it wasn't just a children's party it was our mini reunion as well. It was also special because it was the first time that Miguel met my highschool buddies and it was a big deal for me. I want my closest friends to meet the person of my today, my tomorrow and my forever.

I was happy that my friends liked him. They were saying that he was easy to be with. Hindi sya alagain kasama e, I can leave him with my friends without worrying na ma-OP sya, he can take care of himself plus I am lucky to have friends who are so welcoming and supportive of my life in general. Migs and I had to cancel our November 19 date just because the group wanted to go to the beach that day. I liked that when I asked Migs if he wanted to just go with them he answered: "Kung asan ka Mahal, andun ako". He is supportive of my happiness that way. I loved how Miguel saw a different side of me, highschool friends always brings out the kid in me. I want Miguel to see the good and the bad in me. 

A negative thing though is that I am taking too much of his time already. He always says yes whenever I ask him to tag along with my friends and family, he has been cancelling basketball games and I know his friends miss him already. That's why I am letting him have some time to himself, i don't want his world to revolve around me and his work. That aint healthy. 

Just to share, yesterday we were together - we ate lunch, watched some videos and talked the afternoon away. When I am with Miguel time seems to fly away. I really don't know where the hours, minutes and seconds go when I am with him. I like that he can see a future with me - it makes my heart flutter when he talks about stuff that we can do together. I love that I am part of his goals and I like that he includes 'us' when  he is planning for his future. Yesterday, he held me while we slow danced without any music, we just talked. I felt secure and loved and happy. 

Anyhoo, this is my 100th post in this blog :) 

Toodles!

I am no longer hurting.. I am now prepared..

I was talking to D and M earlier trying to figure out what was wrong with me and my situation then I realized that that was my rainbow in this cloudy day -- I am happy I have friends I can call anytime of the day whenever I need ears to listen to bits of telenovelas I call my life. I am lucky that I have two people who know my life inside out and is willing to tell me upfront what they think, I love them both for that.

Anyhoo, I am writing this with no sleep for almost 36 hours, emotions are high, tears flowing, and my mind working faster than the speed of light. M is my angel, she speaks her mind in her soft voice and she makes me feel loved just by listening and being the sidekick that I needed. She is mad when I am mad, she is happy when I am happy, and I can feel her pain when I cry. She is perfect in every way possible. She made me calm down and think straight and plan on what needs to be done, she prepared me for the worst but we both hope for the best. D on the other hand is direct to the point, he asked me questions that made me realize that I might be overreacting, that I need to talk, that we need to straighten things out.. And then out of the blue, I realized my insecurities, why I am so paranoid.. I don't feel beautiful anymore, I gained 15 freakin' pounds since January, and since then we didn't go out as much, we didn't bond, we didn't talk, we let our relationship go down the drain just because I was scared of what people might think of my size.

Now I know what to do, I need to forgive myself and take care of myself more. I can't love anybody else if I can't love myself. And I am taking the first step on Monday. I will love myself. Then we will try to fix the broken pieces of our relationship and if it is no longer fixable then I should move forward with no regrets because I know that I did everything humanly possible to get back my happily ever after.

And to the best combination of friends that a person can wish for -- D and M, thank you.. and I love you..