The story started not from the time that he cheated. The story started way before that.
The story started from the moment we smiled at each other back in February of 2009. I just came from a very bad relationship then and he came from one too. From the moment I saw him I knew right from the start that we were destined to be with each other. I was drawn to him; he was a soul that I needed to rescue. His eyes were sad, his actions withdrawn. He was unhappy. Then I saw the effect I had on him, I made him smile, I made him happy and when he looks at me I knew I was doing something good, he would thank me with just his stare, his boyish stare.
Our relationship wasn’t a walk in the park – trouble came from every direction. And it was a typical you-and-me-against-the-world relationship. It wasn’t ideal and people often tell me that I deserve more but I chose to be with him. No - he didn’t beg me to stay, he didn’t force me to be with him. He let me decide on my own and I respected him for that. Despite everything that’s happening, despite the situation, despite the negativity in our relationship he made me feel special and secure and most importantly, he made me feel loved.
We had names for our kids.. We often just hold each other and everything would be better. We were invincible, we were happy, we were contented. He was a good “kuya” to my brothers and sisters; he was a good provider to me and to his family. I had nothing more to ask. I was contented. I was happy I was living my own version of happily ever after. The moment I met his family I was instantly at home, they are the best people ever. They welcomed me, they fed me, and they treated me like I am part of the family already. I love his nieces and nephews, they reminded me of myself when I was growing up. His parents were the greatest gift from God, they appreciated my love for him and they were happy that Archie has someone who loves him like I do. I was in heaven. I knew from that moment that I wanted to be with him despite everything.
Archie has a thing for surprises; he would surprise me with the smallest things, with notes, and food or even with a big kiss when we meet after work. He would hold me and tell me he misses me. He has a thing for poetry too – loved the way he would make ordinary words sound beautiful and meaningful.
There was a time in 2009 when Jaja and Geoff got married and I was the bridesmaid – he brought me flowers and told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, and I felt that I was. It was normal for us to be just together from that moment on.
Then I moved to a different company – he made sure we see each other every single day. We travelled together, we travelled with friends.. We were happy. There was a time when we went to Baguio on whim. We walked the streets, we bought Baguio’s specialties, we took pictures—yeah we played tourists – we were two people in love.
We shared problems and we tried our best to find solutions. I could not count the number times when he saved me from decisions that I would regret. He would comfort me when I feel sad and alone and lost. He made me the mature woman I am today. He is the reason why I think straight under pressure, he is also the reason why learned to drink coffee very now and then.
Archie is smart. He knows stuff that other people don’t know. He is like a walking encyclopedia. He is a good cook and most of the time he cooks for my brothers and sisters. He knows the best places to eat and if he eats in places I’ve never been at – he always brings something home for me.
Over the course of two years, we both became comfortable with each other; we became best of friends in the process. I loved the idea of spending forever with a friend. I really did.
We had a good time together - he was one person who appreciates my childlike quality - he likes it when I imitate commercials or when I do anything I want to do. He laughs with me not at me.. fun times :) Sometimes we just laugh with no reason at all.. we were crazy like that. He would tickle me and make laugh til I am out of breath. Then he would tickle me again. He waits for moments in movies where I am gonna cry -- then laugh like a villain while I am trying hard not to cry haha
The two years that we were together we did fight, and it was nasty. I said things that I wish I could’ve taken back. I regretted the moments when I did some things intentionally to hurt him. I am like that when I am angry. I am not proud of it. I wish some things did not happen at all, but going through that is part of relationship. It is part of growing up. He is quiet when we fight – he is the mature one. The funny thing is he makes me feel like a child when we fight. He has his way of making sense of things.
He made me a better person than I was two years ago, and I hope and pray that our relationship made him a better person, too.
Yes, he cheated. I’d like to think that he is sorry. I don’t know the true story with everything that everyone is feeding me. But I do know that when he was supposed to be with me he was with Raz, and I did know that he chose to be with her. Am I hurt? Yes. But I don’t dwell on the hurt anymore. I dwell on the memories, on the fun parts. I don’t want to waste 2 years of my life.. So I am taking the good and I am throwing away the bad. I won’t elaborate the facts anymore. I don’t want to elaborate anymore. It is an open and shut case, and he is guilty.
Have I forgiven him – yes. But we are not friends anymore. The trust is lost, but that doesn't mean we can never be friends again. Just not now.. not today. not when I am healing.
I know if ever he is given the chance to go back in time – he wouldn’t hurt me. I know him enough to be sure of that. I know he would have taken the less painful way of just telling me he found somebody new. I believe that there is still good in him.
Whenever I pray at night, I include him in my prayers – I hope he finds the contentment and happiness that he did not find in me. A lot of people have been seeing them together, holding hands.. walking together. I just wish that Raz could love him the way I did. I wish that life would be easier for them than it was for us. I hope that Archie learns how to talk to God and ask for forgiveness for the people he hurt. I pray that he gets to go to mass every Sunday.
I forgive them both. I threw away all the bitterness and all the hate the moment I felt the hands of people behind me when I fell down and got hurt. Those hands pushed me back up and made me feel like I can conquer anything. And for the last time, Archie made me a better stronger. He is special that way.
It did not end well but we all learned from it. It doesn’t matter who cheated. What matters is that we are all doing something to make things go back to normal. We are making efforts to make each other happy even if we are apart. I have given him his freedom because I know he would be happier that way. I forgave him because I know he would feel better that way. And I know that deep inside his heart he wishes for me to be happy too.
I have all his notes and all his gifts and everything he gave me. It still makes me smile the way we went through life together. It is time to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and go on. I will cherish every memory and live without regret.
Let us be happy because Archie is happy -- not everybody can be winners after a breakup. It just so happened that he was the first one to admit that we should move on. We should be happy that he is on his way to his happily ever after. I will have my own happily ever.. let's all look forward to that.
He was the closest thing I had to forever. Let’s all remember how he made me happy and how he fought for me. This was my biggest heartbreak – but being with Archie for 2 years was worth it. He was worth the pain. So let’s all move forward and think of happy thoughts. The story did not start from the time he cheated. The story started from the time he loved me and I loved him back. That is the important part. Let’s all heal together.
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