So, I'm back

I've been on a blogging hiatus for a while now, it's just that I don't know what I can and I can't write. I've been keeping mum for a while and not letting my emotions out. But I am sick and tired of everything I am doing, I don't like how problems are being taken for granted. 

But now I am back - I am sooo back :) 

So what's happening with me? I am still in the same place I was before. Good thing my personal life and my lovelife balances out my frustrations. I think I should take action and take control of my life, I guess it's time to move forward and face the big bad world -- maybe it's not as big or as bad as I think it is, maybe there's nothing to be scared of, maybe there are good things waiting for me out there.  

I know my post is kinda cryptic, it's just that there are some things that I just can't talk about here. So there, welcome me back to blogging please :)

Alone

A friend told me that I would know if I have moved on if I can be alone and be okay about it.

I was alone all night last night and early this morning -- I expected a pity party but that never happened. I am so proud of myself. I watched TV, downloaded some songs and danced. Yeah I danced all by myself to Justin Timberlake's music in high heels, in a dress and Leslie's lipliner! :)

I am not sure if I am going crazy but I am smiling a lot lately. Are my antibiotics doing this to me? haha

Well.. actually, there is something about waking up and thinking that I might bump into my Mr. Right that day. I know Papa Jesus is preparing a beautiful person for me, he's now in the oven being molded and perfected and as soon as Papa Jesus' oven dings  He would send Mr. Right my way.

I am in Papa Jesus' oven right now, too.. being cooked to His liking, and I am loving every second of it! I know He has plans for me and I will enjoy every minute of this journey. 

I was alone and I loved it. :)

Thank God for small blessings! :)

I am feeling better today - I spoke to Mommy and Tita Diane last night and I felt better.

I have been talking to people about how I feel, what I went through and how I am coping up. Everyone is sympathetic, everyone is surprised, shocked and angry. Sharing with people is like therapy for me, the more I share - the more indifferent I feel. It's like breaking a piece of my pain and throwing it away each time I talk. I am proud of where I stand right now.

When this thing started there was only five people that I talked to. Five people who knew what I was going through. They listened, they provided their thoughts and they were the best support group ever. They were a text, a call or an IM away. I am blessed to have them.

My sister was telling me that I don't look like I'm dying anymore(sigh of relief). My cough is slowly getting better and I am laughing more. I am happy that Papa Jesus gives me a reason to laugh and to smile each day. Earlier I was talking to somebody I least expected that I can open up to. I appreciate the subtle way he shook me up - he made me realize that I am becoming a negative person and that won't help me in any way. Self pity should never overpower me again. Ever. He was the person who got to me today. He spoke at the right time and the right moment, just when my heart and mind were ready to listen. Papa Jesus, thanks for making Washaley empower me. After talking to him - I felt uplifted.

Another surprise was a friend request from Gani - Tin's friend. I dunno why - but I was laughing the whole time I was hovering over the confirm button. It was a welcome distraction. A private joke between Tin and I. These small blessings makes things lighter and better and easier.

Tomorrow is another day. I am a living proof that when God closes a door, He opens hundreds of different windows of blessings! Have a fruitful day everybody -- SMILE. :)

The return of the comeback - LOL

The weirdest thing happened. I was chatting with my favorite antibiotic earlier -- yes tintin, that is you **hugs** when all of a sudden somebody sent me a message via YM -- Mac. Yes, the same Mac who was my boyfriend before Archie. I am stumped. really stumped! He said "Hi, did you miss me?" I ignored it, thinking it might be his gf using his account but then I saw the YM ID, it was our ID, the one we used to chat before. The one with a meaning that only we knew. The one whose password I changed to my default password when we broke up.

Okay - so despite my better judgement and out of curiosity, I pinged him back. I said "Hi". The he said I was the only person who understood him from the very beginning. He said he was sorry for the trouble he caused before and that he wishes I am good despite of the breakup. Breakup??? how did he knew Archie and I broke up??! It was getting creepier and creepier, he then asked if I am okay and if I wanted to meet up so he can listen to me. I told him to go home to his wife and 3month old kid and leave me alone. 

It was insulting - did he think that just because I was vulnerable that I would jump on a chance to go back to him?! The nerve. **eyes rolling**

On the other hand Tintin is trying to hook me up with Gani - his bestfriend who is two years younger than me. lol. It was fun, i forgot how it was like to be single. I forgot how it was to prowl haha

No - I am not rushing into another relationship, but I am eager to meet new people. Cute, lovable people for that matter. LOL! I forgot how to live without anything on my mind, not worrying about Archie - what he is doing, who he is with. This might be a baby step to recovery and I still have a long way to go. 

I still think about him, every now and then -- I can't help it. I see him as the lost soul that he was when I first met him. I just pray that he will be okay too. I want everybody to be happy. Nobody deserves to go through the pain and sadness that I went through - even Archie. If I have a super power I wish could have the ability to take away pain from other people.

I wrote the last blog entry so I can get on with my life and I am starting to do that. I am not my old self yet but there are a lot of people helping me to cope. The support of the people that loves me keeps me going. After five torturous weeks, I am finally laughing and smiling again.. I am moving forward.. I have given myself this day to recover. The only thing that is missing is a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is another day :)

From a friend:

I Will Be Strong

So strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. It doesn’t mean I won’t cry, it means I’m daring to cry and be willing to carry on after that. It doesn’t mean I’m avoiding truth, it means accepting it, learning from it and dealing with it head on. Strong enough to have the capability and courage to stand persistently despite the blows of change. I will be too large for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

I Will Be the Master of My Emotions

Unless my mood is right the day will be a failure. I will master my emotions so that every day is a happy and productive day. Every day, I will be happy. I will do this by choosing happiness. If I wake up and I feel sad, I will sing or listen to songs of positivity and happiness. It will not only entertain me but will help me shift my mood back to positivity. If I feel sad, I will laugh. I’ll watch comedy movies or read funny comics. If I feel ill, I will double my labor. If I feel poverty, I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent, I will remember my past successes. If I fear, I will move one step forward. If I feel insignificant, I will remember my goals. I will always remember that misery is a choice, the same as happiness.

I Will Laugh at the World

I will always remember to never allow myself to become so important, so wise, so dignified, so powerful, that I forget to laugh at myself and the world. For I know that only with laughter and happiness can I truly become a success and enjoy the fruit of my labours. As long as I can laugh, I will not be poor. On the other hand, I will not expect the world be the first to treat me rightfully, cheerfully and respectfully, but instead I will begin with myself and treat others the same. I will wear a cheerful face at all times and give every living creature I meet a smile. I will be just as enthusiastic and happy about the success of others as I am about my own.

I will act now

I will remember that all my dreams are worthless, my plans and goals are impossible, all are of no value unless I follow them with action. My goals are a living action. I will not avoid the task of today and charge them to tomorrow for I know tomorrow never comes.. I will act now even though my actions may not bring happiness or success , for it is better to act and fail than not to act and struggle. Tomorrow is a day reserved for the labor of the lazy, and I am not lazy. This is my time, this is my place and I am the man.

Remember, that change doesn’t happen overnight, as well as success and happiness does not. It happens through continuous habits and actions that brings prosperity, success and happiness in life. You may not have them now, but you can, if you just constantly promise yourself in improving the habits, mindset and attitudes in your day to day approach with life.